4.2.14

嘿詩人,妳曾夢想的名姓_佈展日記

那裡,遇到的驚奇巳超過了佈展本身的興奮。整個過程是一連串見證奇蹟的旅程。

日記,原應是第一天就開始記,但直到動筆(鍵盤)的此刻,展巳是接近尾聲的階段,而自己則是一步步開始明白這一切對自己的意義。

連問都沒問過自己,是否可以擱置論文來做這個展,就全身每個細胞都充滿了電似的全力衝刺了。為什麼? 那時,自己並不明白。

隨著自己在每一個日子裡的工作,以及過程中遇到的人事物,現在,我看懂了一點或一部分,在那個要成為哲學家的自己之前,曾有一個夢想被以更大的熱情餵養過,然因為年輕,它比起其它夢想都來得羞怯,更低調,更沒有足夠的距離來凝視自己的美。

而我,現在的我,是距離的現實化,自己現在的眼睛就是距離本身,如探照燈般打探自己過往作品,如今,終於能自在了,自在地享受並承認那個美,不是什麼虛妄自大,或某種身份的虛名,單單是那字裡行間的生命火花,我終於能與那個生命共震盪。也許更因為沒有身份,無以定位辨識,能交換的更是只有真正的什麼,生命中微小飄忽而過的情感瞬間。

現在,憶起了自己曾想要成為詩人的夢想,曾幾何時,它被揉成可笑的夢想草圖而被棄置,儘管,在許多不知名的畫夜,仍悄悄地熬煮詩的節奏,小心地不讓沸騰的冒泡聲驚動好奇的眼光。

原來,詩人的夢想,回來向自己征討其地位,其存在的位置,其力量之飽滿,彷彿過去的隱身只是能量的蓄積,從來沒有離開與棄置的問題,只有自己要不要放鬆承認所有形成自己的元素。

於是,不再有裸身的困窘感,選出詩作,決定展出形式,一切如行雲流水般恰到好處,我僅是一枚貼著那些詩句的氣息再次深呼吸的此在。我,赤裸且美好。然後便重新穿戴好存在的衣裳,用衣擺舞蹈。

在那舞著的身軀前,那美麗直率地刺痛眼睛,難以直視卻難抵誘引,於是痛出了淚,卻彎出了一輪下弦月的唇線。

展出第二週,原來我只是憶起了自己。 論文,只好排隊囉。

(*再陸續補上佈展日記吧)




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